Life Has No “Ifs”, Only the Path We Tread

In modern life, as the pace quickens and the pressure of choice grows, people seem accustomed to looking back at the past. Every wrong decision, every missed opportunity, every untaken turn easily becomes a source of two words: “if only.” If only I had tried a little harder back then. If only I hadn’t been so hasty. If only I had chosen a different path. These questions repeat in many minds like an endless old record, making the present feel heavy.

But the simple and harsh truth is: life has no “if.” There is no parallel universe to try another version of our lives. There is no rewind button for decisions already made. The only thing we truly possess is the moment we are living – where every choice is unfolding, and the only place where we can change the future.

Early on, Vietnamese ancestors recognized this law. Nguyen Trai once wrote: “Past matters are like flowing water; the wise only choose what should be done today.” Though the phrasing is ancient, the spirit is timeless: the past cannot be held, but the present is always in the hands of those who are mindful.

There is no “parallel life,” only real choices In times of failure or deadlock, people often seek refuge in imagination. We paint a version of ourselves where everything goes smoother, where past decisions led to success, where life is less rocky than the present. However, what modern psychology points out is: excessive immersion in “if” assumptions does not heal, but only prolongs the feeling of helplessness.

The human brain tends to idealize what hasn’t happened. The unchosen path is always painted in bright colors because it hasn’t faced the friction of reality. We only see the hypothetical result, not the wounds, the failures, and the prices to be paid if we had taken that road. Therefore, the “other life” in the imagination is almost always better than the “real life” we are living.

But Vietnamese ancestors reminded us clearly: “Wisdom cannot outrun Heaven; deep schemes cannot change a past fate.” This saying is not about negative fatalism, but a wake-up call: wisdom lies not in agonizing over the unchangeable, but in acting rightly within the current circumstances. In reality, every choice in life is the result of knowledge, emotions, and conditions at that moment. We cannot use today’s understanding to judge yesterday’s decisions. That is an injustice to oneself.

The path not taken is not necessarily better One of the most common psychological traps is the belief that another path would have been easier. When the current life is full of stumbles, we tend to think that if we had taken that other turn, things would have been different. But that is just a story constructed by the mind. Life is not like a movie that only shows glamorous scenes. Every road has dark segments, dangerous curves, and moments where a price must be paid. We often only see the “glory” of others, but not the years they collapsed in silence.

The scholar Cao Ba Quat once wrote: “Three drumbeats urge this father’s life; one sword stroke cuts existence short.” The verse sounds violent, but reflects reality: life is not kind to anyone. Every path at some point requires payment in sweat, tears, and even profound losses. Therefore, constantly comparing the present with a hypothetical future only drains one’s energy. Instead of moving forward, we stand still in regret. Instead of learning, we punish ourselves with unanswered questions.

Transforming regret into a life force Regret, in itself, is not a bad thing. It only becomes dangerous when one stays in it forever. If viewed correctly, regret can become a form of wisdom – helping us better understand our limits, weaknesses, and true values. Many psychological studies show that those who dare to face their mistakes, instead of denying or avoiding them, often have higher mental resilience. They don’t ask “if only,” but “what did I learn from this.” This shift in perspective makes the difference between a mature person and someone stuck in the past.

Nguyen Du once left a profound saying: “Once you carry your karma, do not blame the heavens near or far.” The verse does not advise resignation, but reminds us that once a choice is made, the task is not to complain, but to take responsibility and move forward. Regret, if placed correctly, becomes the foundation for maturity. But if held tightly like a sentence, humans turn themselves into prisoners of the past they created.

Learning to be gentle with oneself A paradox of modern life is: humans are increasingly empathetic toward others but increasingly harsh toward themselves. We easily forgive the mistakes of outsiders but do not give ourselves the chance to correct them. Every stumble becomes evidence for self-conviction: I am incompetent, I am a failure, I did wrong. However, no journey of maturity is a straight line. Even the ancestors admitted human clumsiness. Trang Trinh Nguyen Binh Khiem once said: “The wise have moments of folly; the foolish have moments of wisdom.” Humans are not perfect machines, but entities learning how to live every day. Excessive self-blame does not make us better; it only makes us fear new choices. Only when we know how to accept our imperfections do we have enough courage to keep walking.

Life has no “ifs,” only results and actions In the end, life is not measured by assumptions, but by what we have done and are doing. Every thought about “what if” cannot change reality. Only actions in the present create results for the future. Vietnamese ancestors summarized it simply yet profoundly: “Worry about tomorrow’s work today; do not leave today’s work for tomorrow.” This spirit is the solution to the obsession called “if only.” When people live fully in the present, the past will gradually lose its weight. Letting go does not mean forgetting everything, but not letting the past control the future. A light load is not because life has fewer difficulties, but because the heart no longer carries the burden created by itself. Life, after all, does not ask how much we thought about things that didn’t happen. Life only quietly answers with the results of the footsteps we are taking.

Only the road ahead Life has no “ifs.” There is only the road ahead, and a person mindful enough to keep walking – not looking back in regret, not escaping into imagination, but walking straight, walking slowly is fine, as long as it is on one’s own feet.