The secret to accompanying your child without pressure

Foreword.

This is an article from the author of thuvimoingay, the article is written from life stories. The article is for reference only, raising children is a long process. All parents need to accompany and share problems with their children and understand them.

Content shares secrets to accompany children to parents.

We often wonder, how to accompany our children on the journey of growing up deeply and completely? The answer sometimes lies not in “having to do something more,” but in the ability to let go and define our role correctly. Many times we have wrongly oriented that children are a happiness that we have been given. Instead, we often think of children as our priceless assets. It is these thoughts that create pressure for us to preserve, promote, manage, and make a profit from our assets with our children.

Let go and focus – the philosophy of maturity

In family relationships, we sometimes unconsciously carry a huge ego in every relationship. We assign ourselves the role of “must be father”, “must be mother”, we always think that what we do is best for our children. This identification unintentionally creates unnecessary burdens:

• When parents see their children as property, always put their ego too high, always worry and control, children feel pressured and distant. Everything we force our children to do is sometimes not what they want. Sometimes gentle lessons from life will help children grow up faster.
• When parents are attached to responsibilities, obligations, and comparisons, their hearts are unhappy and their children are under more pressure. Comparisons, responsibilities, and obligations always exist in life. But sometimes responsibilities, obligations, and comparisons are too much, causing parents to feel pressured. Pressure on other people’s children, pressure on responsibility for this and that, pressure on obligations to satisfy this and that for their children, then their children will be good. As we know, too much of anything is not good. Although ginseng is good, drinking too much can cause illness. Knowing just enough to let your children do some of their responsibilities, obligations, and comparisons is a very good thing. Children will grow up and know how to think on their own, without being pressured by what their parents impose.

Knowing how to let go of distant things, not only as parents, we are friends and companions with our children, we will feel lightness and freedom:

• Father is not only a father, but also a friend, a companion with children in the process of discovering this life. Not only a protector, we can be a companion to encourage children to grow up. Encourage children, care for children, accompany children as a friend. Be strict when children do wrong as a parent. Share knowledge in life with children as teachers.

And when necessary, we redefine our roles, to guide our children with responsibility and love.

Let go of the old coat, put on the new coat

Whenever you are with your child, ask yourself:

• “What layer am I stuck in?”
• “Will this clothing make my child feel isolated or pressured?”

Just like before we put on a new coat, we need to take off the old one. If we still try to maintain the role of “commander,” “controller,” how can we feel closeness and companionship?

People always say that when going with Buddha, wear a monk’s robe, when going with ghosts, wear a paper robe. In each situation with children, we should wear the appropriate robe to talk to them.

In each stage of our life, we change every day. Likewise, children grow up every day, we cannot wear the same old clothes to face them. We need to change with each period with our children.

Care but not attachment

Parents often worry about their children, but sometimes worry creates negative energy. Replace anxiety with inner peace:

• When your child stumbles, let him get up by himself, while you maintain balance and trust.
• When your child has a problem, don’t rush to fix it, but observe and listen.
• Be a friend who gives your child useful advice instead of directing and ordering him.
• Work with your child, play with your child to not only help him integrate but most importantly, to be happy in the present with him.

Let go to be free, decide to lead the way

Letting go does not mean being indifferent, and concentration does not mean imposing. Every day, be flexible between letting go and concentration, to accompany your child in harmony.

• When you let go, you help your child feel free and comfortable to develop personally.
• When you decide, you become a guide, giving your child value and knowledge.
• Don’t be too restrictive and hold on too tightly, leave some space for your child to develop freely.

Live fully in the present

Instead of worrying about “what to do next,” focus on the present moment. Children feel the most when their parents are fully present: listening, understanding, and loving.

The journey of being a parent is not to “become someone” in the eyes of their children, but to accompany, guide, and help them become the best version of themselves.

In addition to responsibility, parents are also family, family is the place everyone wants to return to when they are weak. Therefore, be a warm family that your children always want to return to.