Living Naturally, Fearless of Age, Seeking the “Just Right”

The Whisper of Time and the Power of Words In the unending flow of life, one thing is constant and undeniable: growth and aging. Haruki Murakami, the famous Japanese author, touched upon a profound truth about how we confront age. He stated frankly: “It’s fine for a person to live naturally; there is fundamentally no need to pretend to be young.” Murakami’s words serve as a gentle yet powerful reminder of the impact of language and self-fulfilling prophecy. When he says, “The moment a man calls himself an ‘uncle/old man’ (even in jest or modesty), he has truly become an uncle/old man,” it’s not just a social observation, but a metaphor for how we box and limit ourselves. Women are no exception. By accepting and using age-loaded, stereotypical titles like “aunt” or “matron,” they unwittingly empower age to dictate their spirit and actions. Words, once spoken, carry the power to shape reality—a truth our ancestors established long ago. Nguyễn Trãi, a great Vietnamese cultural figure, once taught: “Since our body is thus, we ought to be thus” (Thân ta đã thế, ta nên thế). The meaning is not passive resignation to fate, but an acceptance of one’s current self, including age, in order to live most authentically. When we are no longer obsessed with “fighting” time, we free up energy to live fully.

The Serenity of Forgetting the Years Murakami proposes a wise approach to aging: “The most important thing is to try not to think about it. Normally, just forget it.” This is not a denial of reality, but a spiritual priority. Constantly calculating, comparing, and worrying about the numbers on a birth certificate only depletes life energy. Physical aging is a biological process, but spiritual stagnation is a psychological choice. Every morning, standing before the mirror, who among us hasn’t exclaimed, “Oh, I’ve gotten older!” But right after, the critical second self-inquiry must follow: “But age has to increase every day. Ah, so that’s all there is to it.” This is the process of calmly accepting the truth, without dramatization or self-pity. In Vietnamese culture, Phạm Duy Tốn (a modern writer, but the saying is timeless) once said: “A person’s life is like a lightbulb; it shines as far as it burns” (Đời người như chiếc bóng đèn, cháy đến đâu sáng đến đấy). Age is merely the number of years that have “burned”; what matters is the “brightness” of one’s spirit and experience.

The Beauty of the “Just Right” (恰到好处) The central concept Murakami refers to is “Just Right” (恰到好处 – Chàdàohǎochù)—a state of perfection that is neither too much nor too little, requiring no strain or pretense. Murakami assesses himself with confident humility: “My looks are not handsome, my legs aren’t long, I sing badly, I’m not a genius—upon careful consideration, I have almost no notable strengths.” But he concludes: “However, I personally feel that ‘assuming that this is just right, then it is just right‘.” This is a profoundly deep philosophy of life, transcending societal standards of perfection to seek personal harmony.

• Not being overly lucky in love keeps life from spiraling into a “mess.”
• Not having overly long legs prevents airline seats from feeling too cramped.
• Not singing overly well avoids “singing too much at karaoke until polyps grow in the throat.”
• Not being a genius means not having to worry about “one day the talent running out.”

Murakami’s philosophy echoes the Buddhist and Taoist spirit of “Know contentment, then be content” (知足便足 – Zhī zú biàn zú). Zen Master Mãn Giác (an ancient Vietnamese figure) left a famous poem: Xuân khứ bách hoa lạc, Xuân đáo bách hoa khai. Sự trục nhãn tiền quá, Lão tòng đầu thượng lai. Mạc vị xuân tàn hoa lạc tận, Đình tiền tạc dạ nhất chi mai. (Spring passes, a hundred flowers fall; Spring arrives, a hundred flowers bloom. Events drift past the eyes; Age comes upon the head. Don’t say that with the fading spring all flowers are lost; Before the courtyard last night, a single plum blossom bloomed.) This poem doesn’t just speak of the cycle of time (“Age comes upon the head”), but affirms the presence of beauty and essence in the present moment (“a single plum blossom bloomed”). The “Just Right” is that “single plum blossom“—the acceptance and appreciation of one’s simple, complete beauty, regardless of age or flaws. Lý Công Uẩn (King Lý Thái Tổ), in the Edict on the Transfer of the Capital, wrote: “Respecting the will of Heaven above, following the desires of the people below, if found convenient, then change.” Though about national affairs, the spirit of “if found convenient” or “if found reasonable” is also a reflection of seeking harmony, the “Just Right,” in action and decision.

The Journey of Self-Acceptance Accepting one’s age and one’s “Just Right” self is a long journey, demanding courage and self-respect. President Hồ Chí Minh (a famous and influential figure) left a profound thought on living and working: There is no difficult task, Only a fearful lack of will. Digging mountains and filling seas, With determination, it shall be done. This spirit fully applies to building a positive mindset. Shedding the psychological burdens of age and unrealistic self-standards is a “difficult task,” requiring “willpower” (or enduring heart). When we reach the state of “Just right as I am,” age-related titles like “uncle” or “aunt” become meaningless. We are simply a “just right person“—an individual who has lived and experienced, and continues to live as fully as possible.

The Truth of the Present Finally, no matter how life turns, whether good or bad things have happened, everything has its own arrangement. An old Vietnamese proverb says: “A river has its bends; a person has their moments” (Sông có khúc, người có lúc). This not only speaks of changing fortunes but also reminds us that every moment, every stage of life, is the “moment” that must be lived through. Everything is just right and right on time:

• The past cannot be returned to.
• The future has not yet arrived.
• Only the steps we are taking now are the sole reality.

The “Just Right” is not a mediocre compromise, but a state of enlightenment where we stop struggling against what cannot be changed (like age) and begin appreciating what we have. Let’s strive together to achieve this serenity. Don’t let age become shackles. Let it become a mark, a chapter that fully presents the experiences and wisdom of a person who knows how to live “just right“—living naturally, truthfully, and fully in every moment.